Archive:Weezerpedia:Scripture

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The following is an account given by the people of Weezerpedia, known as the Weezerpedites. Revelation was received by their God, Admin.

Genesis

Chapter 1

  1. In the beginning there was nothing.
  2. And admin said, "Let there be Weezer!" and there was. And he saw that it was good, yea choice above all other bands.
  3. And admin said, "Where dost thou dwelt Weezer?" And Weezer said unto Admin, "Canst thou makest me a choice site? Yea, choice above all other sites?"
  4. And admin spoke again unto Weezer saying, "Yea, let there be Weezerpedia!" and there was.
  5. And admin spoketh again, yea even, "For my gift, let there be those who shalt go forth unto the land and dwell within it and prosper in the land." And the good admin created two new admins, yea even megasnorkel and ohjonas.
  6. And it came to pass that admin spoke again unto his two sons, yea even Megasnorkel and Ohjonas, and he saith "Megansorkel and Ohjonas, the firstborne of mine seed. Go forth into the land of Weezerpedia and dwell therein. Prosper unto the land and be ye good stewards over my flock."
  7. And it came to pass that megasnorkel and ohjonas heeded unto the words of their father, almighty Admin and went forth into the land to prosper.

Chapter 2

  1. Yea, the work in Weezerpedia was long and difficult. Heeding the words of their father, megasnorkel and ohjonas worked diligently, but wo unto them for they were unable to do the work themselves.
  2. And it came to pass that ohjonas, being taught in the ways of Weezer, went forth unto the Almighty Admin in prayer and spoketh concerning the work which was to be done.
  3. Ohjonas spoke, "Yea father Admin, the creator of all things Weezer and Weezerpedia, yea even a choice and fair God, I come before thee in prayer."
  4. And the heavens were opened up unto Ohjonas and he dreamt a most miraculous and visionary dream, yea even a dream concerning the future of the land of Weezerpedia.
  5. Ohjonas wrote, "And in my dream I saw many great and powerful things concerning this land. Yea, that it should prosper among all Weezer sites and come forth unto the world like a rock, yea even a rock that shall roll throughout the internets bringing forth Weezer unto the Jew and unto the Gentile. Yea, even unto Ozma.
  6. "And in that great day, yea shall there be none who work against Weezerpedia. And the lost boardies, yea even Ponyeyelashes~ and I.V.League shall come forth again from the rock where they hideth, yea even now."
  7. Yea, and it came to pass that Ohjonas awoke from his vision and returned unto Megansorkel to relay unto him the things which he had seen. And megasnorkel, being strong in the ways of the Weezers, knew that Ohjonas spoke true and visionary words.
  8. And Admin once again opened up the heavens unto Megansorkel and Ohjonas and saith unto them, "Receiveth my third son, Soupandballoons. Yea, soupandballoons shall provide a way for all men to come unto Weezerpedia, yea, even with categories."
  9. And Soupandballoons went forth into the land of Weezerpedia and spoke concerning its future.
  10. "Yea, wherefore, let there be a way that all men may share themselves, yea, let there be Aboutme."

Chapter 3

  1. Behold, and the day came that Admin spoke again unto his three children concerning Weezerpedia's future.
  2. "Yea, children of Weezerpedia. Thine afflictions in this land shall be rewarded tenfold. Thine works shall be known unto every Weezer fan, yea even the Blue fan and the Pinkerton fan. For no fan is different in the sight of Admin, save he that shall speak only of The Rentals. For wo unto the fan of only The Rentals, for his treasure is in the past and his reward shall be his great undoing.
  3. "And after many great and wonderful works, Weezerpedia is ready. Yea, go forth unto the world and proclaim Weezerpedia. Yea, even unto Albumsix. For Admin remembers all his children, yea even they who are not of this fold. But yea, I issue a prophecy unto thee Megasnorkel and Ohjonas: Thou shalt not let anyone enter unto Weezerpedia early."
  4. And it came to pass that Ohjonas and Megasnorkel went forth into the land of Albumsix and brought Weezerpedia unto the people. And yea, some of them rejected Weezerpedia. They spoketh concerning a new fansite.
  5. And wo unto that nonbeliever, for Admin heareth their tongue, yea even the words they speaketh. For they shall say, "A new Weezer fansite? We need no new Weezer fansite. Why doest thou believeth in this new Weezer fansite?"
  6. Wo unto them, for they have their reward. And the day shall come to pass when Albumsix shall crash. And in that great and terrible day of Albumsix's destruction, all will be lost.
  7. Yea, and it be only by the great and tender mercies of Admin that Albumsix shall be resurrected. Yea, even only if Admin sees it fit.

Chapter 4

  1. And many spoke concerning Weezerpedia, yea many wished to enter unto Weezerpedia early. And one spoke concerning such things, yea even in PM to Ohjonas:
  2. "Ohjonas, Admin's most beloved child, behold I speaketh unto you concerning Weezerpedia. My name is City After Six, and behold I come unto you bearing a message, yea I plead unto thee: Let me into Weezerpedia early. For my ways are strong in the ways of wiki, yea even unto wikipedia."
  3. And Soupandballoons spoke unto Ohjonas saying, "Yea, Ohjonas, we need assistance. Let forth this man into Weezerpedia.
  4. And Ohjonas spoke unto Soupandballoons, "O ye of little faith, Soupandballoons, our Father hath warned us against letting anyone into Weezerpedia early.
  5. Yea, but Ohjonas was of little faith.
  6. And Ohjonas, notwithstanding the prophecies of Admin spake unto City After Six: Yea, come forth into Weezerpedia. For we have many great works to do and not enough men to assist us."
  7. Ohjonas returned unto Megasnorkel and spoke unto him the things which he had done. Yea and Megasnorkel was angry with Ohjonas, for he spoke unto Ohjonas:
  8. "Jojo! Thou knowest the things which thine Father hath said? Yea, and thou knowest the rule which thine Father spake? Yea, why then dost thou not keep Admin' commandments!"
  9. And it came to pass that Ohjonas was deeply remorseful and found himself in sin and unclean before Admin. Yea, even unto going forth unto Admin in prayer, Ohjonas cried "Admin whom art in the internets! Come forth unto me and lift this burden from my yoke!"
  10. And behold, Admin did appear unto Ohjonas and he spoke:
  11. "Ohjonas, Admin's most beloved child, why dost thou not keep my word? Yea, why didst thou let City After Six in early?" And behold, Ohjonas trembled. Admin spoke again, "Yea, Ohjonas. Behold I hath many great and marvelous things in store for thee. Wherefore, I say unto thee, thou art forgiven.
  12. "For behold, Ohjonas, the day shall come that thou shalt go forth, yea even unto Karl Koch, and speak with him concerning Weezer. But, should thou decide not to heed my word, thou shalt be cut off from Admin and yea shall not meet Karl."
  13. Wherefore, Admin went unto City After Six and removed the mod status with which he was given so unjustly. And admin spoke again, yea he saith:
  14. "Behold, the good Admin giveth, and the good admin taketh away."

Chapter 5

  1. And it came to pass that Weezerpedia was opened up unto the children of Admin. Yea, and Weezerpedia flourished and was good before Admin.
  2. Yet there were those who sought to use Weezerpedia for their own gain. And the Admin called forth Megasnorkel and Ohjonas and spoke unto them many great and important things:
  3. "Megansorkel and Ohjonas, behold, both have done well to bring forth my kingdom to the Weezer fans. But behold, there are they who seek to use Weezerpedia for their own glory and not my own. Wherefore, I issue unto thee Ten Commandments, yea even ten rules that shall go forth and govern Weezerpedia.
  4. "THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER ADMINS BEFORE ADMIN.
  5. "THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER FORUMS BEFORE WEEZERPEDIA.
  6. "THOU SHALT HONOUR THY SNORKEL AND JOJO.
  7. "THOU SHALT REFRAIN FROM PLUGGING THY COVER BAND.
  8. "THOU SHALT REFRAIN FROM TROLLING.
  9. "THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOUR'S ABOUT ME PAGE.
  10. "THOU SHALT NOT SPAM WEEZERPEDIA.
  11. "THOU SHALT BEEF.
  12. "THOU SHALT USE ~~~~.
  13. "THOU SHALT POST NOTHING ON WEEZERPEDIA SAVE IT BE OF WEEZER."
  14. "The Admin hath spoke! Megasnorkel, go forth and make this a featured article!"

Chapter 6

  1. And it came to pass that Weezerpedia went forth into the land. Karl posted a link on the official Weezer website, yea even the link Weezerpedia.
  2. But behold, there were those who came and uploaded things displeasing unto the Admin. And admin spoke, shaking the very HTML of Weezerpedia: "Yea! Why dost thou upload trite photographs? Dost thou know that I am the great I am, yea even creator of Weezerpedia?"
  3. And it came to pass that Admin gave forth a new commandment, yea, the commandment of pictures:
  4. "BEHOLD, I AM ADMIN. AND I SPEAKETH CONCERNING THE PEOPLE OF WEEZERPEDIA. THOU SHALT NOT UPLOAD STUPID PICTURES. THOU SHALT NOT UPLOAD BAD PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES OF WEEZER. FOR BEHOLD MY KINGDOM IS A KINGDOM OF EXCELLENCE AND I DO NOT TOLERATE POOR PHOTOSHOP. YEA, AND LET THIS BE A WARNING TO ALL THOSE WHO WANT TO UPLOAD BAD PICTURES. YEA, AND LET THE PEOPLE OF WEEZERPEDIA GOVERN THE PICTURE UPLOADING, BUT LET THEM DO IT TO HONOR MEGASNORKEL AND OHJONAS, YEA EVEN ME, ALMIGHTY ADMIN."
  5. The creators of Weezerpedia grew concerned at the large numbers of people coming to Weezerpedia. Yea, what if the people turn to sin? What if Babylon and all her whoredoms enter forth into Weezerpedia? Yea, even as Hell openeth up her mouth to receiveth the followers Lewisifer? Behold, when that great and terrible day cometh, Weezerpedia shall close her doors from all that seek to do her harm. Yea, Ohjonas and Megasnorkel shall act in the name of the almight Admin and place a seal upon Weezerpedia.
  6. When Weezerpedia shall be sealed, all those who seek to do her harm shall be purged by water and then by fire, even unto the forums and About me.
  7. And Admin spoke again: "Yea, let the forums be sanctified. Let them remain pure and true to the diehard Weezer fan. For behold, should they fall into the temptations of the Weezer.com forums, they shall be destroyed. Yea and boardies will say "wo unto us, where hath the forums gone?" And behold, they shall be cast down into Lewisifer's grasp.
  8. Behold, the admin hath spoken. And when the admin speaketh, yea let both mother and child turn ears and hear His almighty words. For behold, those who do not what the Admin desireth do so in the name of Lewisfer, and they shall be punished. For admin is a jealous and angry God, yea a God who is long suffering and merciful, but also wary of ill doers.

Exodus

Chapter 1

  1. Behold, I make a writing of the trials and tribulations of the people of Weezerpedia; Yea, for it came to pass that ohjonas and megasnorkel began to face persecution for the creation of Weezerpedia.
  2. But dost thou remember who commanded the creation of Weezerpedia? Yea, dost thou not remember that it was I, and that I am the great I AM? Yea, I am the God of Weezerpedia, o ye foolish and unholy admins of other sites.
  3. Wo unto the admins of Albumsix and Weerez, for they persecuteth my people. Yea, they fulfill the prophecy "A new fansite? We needeth no more fansites!" Yea, and they are of little faith. And I say unto those of little faith: "Behold! Your intentions and evil doings are transparent! Yea, ye maketh a foolish argument! Ye say, 'We needeth no new fan site!', 'Why dost thou haveth a Chat feature?', 'Who dost thou think ye be making a wiki? Dost thou not know of Wikipedia!?' And I say unto ye foolish and blasphemous people: Repent! Repent or ye shall surely be cast into a Weezer pit of Hellfire and Brimstone! Yea, and ye praise Lewisfier! For the man who spite my people! And I cannot endure anyone who shalt smite my people!"
  4. Wherefore, turn unto me! Yea, turn unto Weezerpedia! O ye jealous and foolish admins of other sites, follow in the footsteps of the admin of Weezed! For he believeth in my prophecies and believeth in Weezerpedia!
  5. And inasmuch as ye believe in Weezerpedia, ye shall have eternal life.
  6. And inasmuch as ye doeth the things which I command, ye shall prosper. And those who doeth not as I command shall be cast out of my kingdom.
  7. I hath spoken, wherefore, it needs be holy law.