Thomas Garglechunk

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Thomas Garglechunk
Background information
Born January 4, 1827 (age 197)
Occupation(s) singer
songwriter
musician
electrician's apprentice
chalk artist
American Civil War reenactor
sheep herder
drag racer
coin collector
gasket manufacturer
parking lot attendant
crypto brand ambassador
systems analyst
cartographer
stagehand
skateboarder
mixologist
Informer of Deer (City of Malden, MA)
parking valet
prison warden
infomercial presenter
grim reaper
outlaw
train conductor
worm manufacturer
Janis Joplin impersonator
chess grandmaster
busker
balloon artist
Assistant to the Mayor (City of Bridgeport, CT)
former volunteer for the 2004 Joseph Lieberman presidential campaign
world-renowned professional classical guitarist
far-less-renowned unprofessional kazooist
inventor
podcaster
voice actor
reverend
executive producer for AMC's The Walking Dead (seasons 10 & 11)
mobile baker
last living Beatle
Associated acts
Ozma
The Spindles
This page is for the musician. For the eponymous album, see Garglechunk (album).

Thomas Garglechunk, born 1827, is known for his percussion in the short-lived but HIGHLY notable side project of Daniel Brummel, The Spindles, in the early 1870s. His drumkit was comprised of two drumsticks with handles whittled to look like cigars, 3 live bass, 3 geese, and an otter.

Biography

Garglechunk began his music career banging large sticks on cave walls, creating interesting noises and "sick beats". The drummer first met Brummel (who, at the time, occupied the body of a man named Franklin P. Weatherbottom) after moving to Pasadena in search of coal for his factory. They hit it off, moving into a 1 bedroom, 2 bath house together soon after.

In 1870, after viewing a group of pond creatures singing in unison, Garglechunk and Weatherbottom simultaneously conceived of the idea of forming a band (a then-unheard of concept in America). The two titled the collaboration "The Spindles" and began producing music shortly after. It would only be 6 months before they completed their first full-length album, Sick Flinging in the Dreeb Realm. As neither member owned recording equipment at the time, the album was inscribed onto scrolls and sent by cannon to various locations around North America. It consisted of a single untitled song, which, if performed, lasted approximately 1 hour and 4 minutes. The album received mostly middling reviews.

The group spent two years following the release of their debut album hibernating for the winter season. Upon exiting their deep sleep, both men found themselves buried in expensive audio equipment and gear. This reportedly served as motivation to begin work on a follow-up album. In 1874, the fruits of their labor saw the light of day, with the release of their album Oregano Panic. It incorporated much darker themes and a unique form of playing called "string digestion", leading to heavy critical acclaim and high sales volume. The album is now often considered to be the band's greatest work and has been cited as inspiration by countless artists, such as The Beach Boys, Elvis Presley, Chad Conley Hopkins, and Green Day.


Man... I don't even know how to say it. There wouldn't be an In Rainbows without Oregano Panic, that's for sure.


- Radiohead, speaking in perfect unison during a New York Times interview, May 24, 2024


In 1875, allegations of Garglechunk's sexual misconduct came to light after a local Pasadena farmer reported that many of their farm animals had been inappropriately touched at a Spindles concert. Garglechunk was found guilty by a jury of his peers (which included Pat Finn), and was sentenced to 80 years of light hazing from coworkers and friends. It was due to this that he was forced to leave the band by Weatherbottom, but only after releasing a final album, Thomas Garglechunk is fired from the band. Reportedly, the name of the album was unrelated to any real events, and was chosen years in advance.


I'm sorry... who is Thomas Garglechunk?


- Yngwie Malmsteen, Fox News segment, January 6, 2021

Solo work

In the year of our lord 1953, Garglechunk released a solo album dubbed Garghlechunk. The album has been called "worse than anything Captain Beefheart has ever made" by the Associated Press, who then vowed to destroy every copy in existence.[1] If you still have a release, it is recommended you destroy it as well.


Thom's self-titled record is just humiliating. It's just so bad.


- Lil' Wayne, Weezerpedia Discord Server Q & A, July 1, 2029

Personal life

Garglechunk has stated on multiple occasions that he is immortal. He prefers not to talk about it and will awkwardly dodge it if you bring it up, instead consistently changing the conversation topic to something relating to the 1913 Indianapolis 500.

Discography

With The Spindles

As Thomas Garglechunk

See also

References

  1. Associated Press. (1953, November 6). "Garglechunk"; The Incoherent Belting of Defamed ex-Ozma Side Act Percussionist. New York Times.